Losing a loved one is an inevitable part of life, and Islam provides guidance on how to navigate grief with patience (ṣabr), faith, and reliance on Allah’s mercy. Grieving is natural, and Islam encourages believers to mourn within the framework of Islamic teachings while maintaining hope in the mercy of Allah.
Understanding Grief in Islam
Islam acknowledges the deep sorrow that comes with losing a loved one. The Prophet Muhammad himself experienced grief upon losing his loved ones, including his son Ibrahim. He said, “The eyes shed tears and the heart grieves, but we do not say except that which pleases our Lord.” (Bukhārī, 1303)
This ḥadīth shows that expressing sadness is not only natural but also accepted in Islam, as long as it does not lead to expressions of despair or questioning Allah’s decree. Furthermore, when his cousin, Jaʿfar passed away then he was greatly saddened and cried and when he saw his daughter Fāṭimah crying he said, “For such as Jaʿfar you can (easily) cry yourself to death. Prepare food for Jaʿfar’s family for they are overcome with a matter [of grief] that has occupied them.” (Abū Dāwūd, 3124; Tirmidhī, 998)
Support and Guidance for the Bereaved
1. Patience and Trust in Allah
The Qurʾān states, “And We will surely test you with something of fear and hunger and a loss of wealth and lives and fruits, but give glad tidings to the patient, who, when disaster strikes them, say, ‘Indeed, we belong to Allah, and indeed, to Him we will return.’” (Qurʾān 2:155-156)
This verse reminds us to remain steadfast and trust in Allah’s wisdom, knowing that He rewards patience abundantly. Allah also promises to replace the loss with something better, whether in this world or the Hereafter.
2. Offering Condolences and Emotional Support
– It is a Sunnah to offer condolences to the bereaved, reminding them of Allah’s mercy and encouraging patience
– The Prophet said, “Whoever consoles a bereaved person will have a reward similar to theirs.” (Ibn Mājah, 1601)
– Offer the supplication – ‘Aʿdhamallāhu ajrak, wa aḥsana ʿazāʾak, wa ghafara li mayyitik’ – May Allāh increase your reward [for your patience], and grant you good consolation [for your loss], and forgive your deceased
– Comforting words such as ‘May Allah grant them Jannah’ or ‘May Allah make this trial a means of drawing closer to Him’ help the grieving find solace
– Supporting the family with meals, assistance in daily tasks, and prayers is highly encouraged as a means of helping them cope with their loss
Acceptable Expressions of Grief in Islam
1. Crying is permitted, as long as it does not lead to wailing, screaming, or excessive lamentation.
2. Making sincere dua (supplication) for the deceased, asking for their forgiveness and elevation in Jannah.
3. Engaging in ṣadaqah (charity) on behalf of the deceased, such as donating to the poor, building a well, or planting trees.
4. Reflecting on the temporary nature of life and using the moment to strengthen one’s faith and connection with Allah.
Visiting the Grave: Proper Etiquettes
Visiting the grave of a loved one is encouraged in Islam as a means of remembering death and praying for the deceased. The Prophet Muhammad said, “Visit the graves, for they will remind you of the Hereafter.” (Muslim, 976)
Etiquettes of Visiting the Grave
1. Greet the deceased with peace (As-salamu ‘alaykum ya ahl al-qubur – Peace be onto you O People of the graves). Allah can give capacity to the deceased to be aware of those in the world within their vicinity.
2. Make dua for their forgiveness and ask Allah to grant them Jannah.
3. Avoid acts of excessive mourning, such as wailing, lamenting, or questioning Allah’s decree.
4. Refrain from sitting or stepping on graves or showing any disrespect to the deceased or their surroundings, as this was discouraged by the Prophet.
5. Reflect on one’s own mortality, using the visit as a reminder to prepare for the Hereafter.
How to Support the Deceased After Their Passing
1. Praying for them – The best gift to a deceased loved one is sincere supplication. The Prophet said, “When a person dies, his deeds come to an end except for three; ongoing charity, beneficial knowledge, or a righteous child who prays for him.” (Muslim, 1631)
2. Performing acts of charity in their name, such as feeding the poor, sponsoring an orphan, or building a well.
3. Fulfilling any debts they may have left behind, ensuring their obligations are met before their accountability in the Hereafter.
4. Performing Ḥajj or ʿUmrah on behalf of the deceased, if they had the financial means but were unable to complete it in their lifetime.
Conclusion
Grieving a loved one is a challenging journey, but Islam provides a framework of support, patience, and remembrance of the Hereafter. By relying on Allah, seeking solace in dua, and performing acts of charity on behalf of the deceased, we can transform grief into a source of spiritual growth and mercy. Knowing that our loved ones have returned to Allah as we all will and that we may be reunited in Jannah brings comfort and hope for the future.
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